Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I am so depressed today it hurts. I think some people do have their brain chemistry tuned perfectly most of the time, and do not even realize what kind of gift they have.

It is very difficult to believe that God is all knowing and all orchestrating being if one is, like me, witnessing suffering of innocent child and hearing his cries everyday. All knowing, all mighty God would prevent it. I would prevent it and healed children, all children, if I was all knowing. It is only my ignorance that keeps me from healing my child. and it was my ignorance that allowed me to expose him to something that made him sick. So if God is not the all knowing all mighty being, than it is may be The Order of Things, the Law. And yet how is it possible that the law of universe, law of life created beings that are not aware of their inherent nature? We are the fruit of the Law and yet completely and so helplessly ignorant of it?

According to the scripture we were created for the likeness of the divine. If that is the truth we have the power of creation. So we have it by the Law of universe we are part of, and yet we do not know how to apply it. So it is like we all had a car but it was invisible, and we were unaware of it, and also we would not know not only how to drive, but also that places to go existed. Does make sense? So far I am waiting for a bus. Visible bus with driver that knows how to drive. Some people say that after death one goes places. For the chosen ones the bus comes before they die. I think I am using all my faculties, and all my wit, but it never ever seem to be enough to even get a glimpse of understanding what is going on around.

It is very difficult to believe.
I am tired and I have a headache.
I am a mother. I have to keep going.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

It has been 20 years since I have come to Canada.
Regrets. Regrets. Regrets.
 
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