It is November already.
Sebastian is doing well in his therapy in spite of reduced hours.
I am running out of my credit. The therapy costs from $2400 to $3700 a month
I will have to stop it soon. I is very difficult decision. Daycare is not coming through. We went for a tour of one of the day-cares yesterday. Seeing Sebastian among his pears is a heart breaking and painfully sobering realization; he is a universe away from them. Social, verbal, cognitive, emotional, imaginative skills and abilities of average two and half years old child I was able to observe are like university comparing to what Sebastian can do right now. And gap is widening. He is developing, but nowhere close to the rate of normal child. And he is into himself, so much. I am living in denial and it serves me well. To me he is perfect the way he is. I know his spirit. It is an honor and delight to be his mother. What breaks my heart is not even the fact that he is autistic, my broken dreams about having normal happy child, and my own grandchildren one day. It is the fact that I am not able to help him develop to his full potential whatever that potential is. No skills, no money, no strength and paralyzing dullness. It is very difficult day for me.
Denial and false hopes for some kind of the miracle, please come back!